During the years, it was originally a time for a group to gather, and it often became the induction of the friction between husband and wife. Many people feel very stressed about visiting their spouse's hometown; in fact, it is not only the husb...
During the years, it was originally a time for a group to gather, and it often became the induction of the friction between husband and wife. Many people feel very stressed about visiting their spouse's hometown; in fact, it is not only the husband's family, but also the husband is also very stressed when he wants to return to his wife's family, and even has the desire to divorce.
Survey: 37% of husbands have committed divorce due to problems with their wives' family Linkus, a business company of the Japanese marriage matching website "Married People Club", conducted a relative survey of 3,000 married men and women aged 30 to 59 in 2024. The results show that 30.5% of husbands answered "I don't want to go to my wife's hometown", which is as high as 30%. What is even more interesting is that 37% of husbands said they had considered divorce because of their parents' family problems.The director of the Japanese couple's counseling agency, Matsumi Mitsumatsu, introduced an actual case. The 38-year-old Juna (pseudonym) comes from a family of four siblings. The family is a must-have party for the New Year, and they also have to visit relatives to pay New Year's greetings; the 39-year-old husband Shinta (pseudonym) is a solo child and has never experienced a large-scale gathering of relatives.
The first time he accompanied him back to the country, he felt uncomfortable. The next year he proposed, "I want to spend the New Year at my own home, just go back by yourself", which caused Nai's anger. She forced her husband to walk with her, but suddenly noticed her husband's character of not drinking or singing, and she felt pressured at the hot gathering.
In the third year, Shinta refused to return to her parents' home because of "unsuitable physical condition". After Gona returned home, she found that her husband was leisurely eating snacks and making electric calls. She became angry again and the two sides were in conflict. My husband suddenly burst out and said, "It's not that your family is not good, but that you never regard my feelings. I no longer want to force myself, so I'll just leave!"
Zai Nai realized the pressure of her husband and quickly apologized. Finally, the two agreed to only visit each other's parents' homes in the New Year, and then they went home. The Ulan Bon Festival (note: Japan's traditional festival, held around mid-August) was a free movement. After the agreement was completed, the divorce crisis was temporarily lifted.
The main reason why husbands don't want to go back to their parents' home1. The tension of mental and psychological pressure
The physical "home" can easily cause physical and mental fatigue. Some husbands even think that their parents-in-law are overly attentive in their care, and instead hope to "don't treat me as a guest."
2. The wife's unintentional words and deeds at her parents' home
The wife speaks bluntly in a familiar realm and may inadvertently damage her husband's self-esteem, such as "My husband is less than his sister's husband."
3. Different cultures and lifestyles may also lead to inappropriateness. For example, they were asked to "men should take a bath first", they had to eat a table of food for breakfast, and they had to help their father-in-law set up a computer during holidays.
4. Relations and economic pressures
The unpleasant experiences of the past, transportation costs and companions' expenses will also become sources of pressure.
Experts pointed out: "If the husband is obviously unwilling, don't force him to take him back to his parents' home. After being tired from stress, it may lead to discomfort and even going to divorce."
Three major solutions to avoid "moisture in the family"1. Communicate thoroughly in advance
Couples need to discuss their feelings about their parents' home in advance, plan their stay time and division of labor, and reduce their pressure.
2. When your wife is standing next to her husband, she should show her support for her husband and avoid making him isolated and helpless. Never say bad things about your husband in front of your parents.
3. Planning to clear the family boundary
The problems of husband and wife should be solved by the couple, and do not rely too much on their parents' opinions. When necessary, you must have the courage to say "no" to both parents.
